Is Peaceful and Patient Parenting Possible?

by Karen K.C. Gibson

Does achieving peaceful and patient parenting seem impossible, given the emotional meltdowns, endless worries, and constant challenges of raising children? Discovering the Positive Intelligence (PQ) Program founded by Shirzad Chamine was a game-changer for me as a parent coach, transforming my approach to achieving peaceful and patient parenting. His innovative research-based tools teach you how to silence the inner voices that steal your peace. The sages, which I call “parenting superpowers”, strengthen the part of your brain that sabotages you.

We know that our mind is our best friend, but it can also be our worst enemy. Just think how much harder this is for our kids. As a parent, has any of the following happened to you?

• Your child refuses to do homework or chores.
• Your child rolls his eyes in disgust when you make a simple request.
• Your child refuses to eat their vegetables or the meal you worked so hard to prepare.
• Your child gives you a hard time when you give consequences, especially taking their phone privileges away.
• You feel disappointed in your child not meeting your expectations and view their behavior as “lazy.”

Positive Intelligence Parenting emphasizes transitioning from a negative mindset to a positive one. Strengthening your mental muscles enables you to identify and overcome limiting beliefs that influence your reactions, understand why your child may trigger you, and harness your parenting superpowers to effectively avoid losing your temper.

There are nine inner voices (Chamine labels these voices “saboteurs”) that are ruled by your inner judge. These parts of you feel disappointed, angry, regretful, guilty, ashamed and anxious. These inner voices hijack your brain, resulting in losing your patience and overreacting when your child triggers you. When you understand your inner voices, you learn how to gain control of your mind and maintain your peace. Which of these inner voices steal your peace?

1. The Hyper-Achiever focuses on external validation and acceptance of others. Grades, achievements, and climbing the ladder of success determine your child’s value.
2. The Hyper-Vigilant always worries about all the dangers and what could go wrong. If your parents were worried and taught you why the world was scary, you may pass these worries on to your children.
3. The Stickler obsesses over perfectionism and a need for constant order and organization. Messy rooms and disorganized backpacks create major stress for Sticklers.
4. The Victim may blame their child’s behavior for their emotional responses. They may engage in negative self-talk, telling themselves they cannot handle parenting challenges.
5. The Avoider procrastinates and avoids conflict or uncomfortable situations. These parents may avoid accountability by focusing solely on the child’s behavior as the cause of their distress.
6. The Pleaser has a strong need to be liked and craves constant reassurance. Children raised by pleasers may lack boundaries and have difficulty handling disappointments.
7. The Controller needs to take charge and control situations or becomes extremely impatient. Controlling parents may struggle with trusting their children to make appropriate decisions. They are driven by fear and anxiety about their child’s safety, well-being or future success.
8. The Restless constantly searches for greater excitement in the next activity or engages in busyness. Restless parents believe their children must be in many extracurricular activities to increase their potential for success. Downtime and self-care might be perceived as unproductive, or time wasted.
9. The Hyper-Rational loses focus and tends to analyze the rational process of everything. Hyper-rational parents express their frustration if they don’t understand why their children make poor choices. They may prioritize logic over emotional expression, which causes their children to feel a lack of support.

How do you silence your inner voices to access patience and peace in your parenting journey? These five parenting superpowers assist you in quieting the inner voices that rob you of your peace.

1. Empathize: When you show compassion, you recharge your batteries. You learn to forgive mistakes as you accept that children are meant to make mistakes, fail, and learn valuable lessons. Children learn to accept their imperfections and practice self-compassion.
2. Activate: Act with a clear, calm mind instead of enforcing control like a dictator. You can guide your child without resorting to authoritarian tactics by remaining calm.
3. Navigate: Reframe challenges as opportunities to grow instead of problems to worry about. Adopting a positive mindset encourages building resilience and problem-solving skills.
4. Explore: Embrace the idea that your child is your best teacher. Instead of judging misbehavior, view it with curiosity and an opportunity to learn valuable lessons your child is teaching you. Switch your mindset from wanting your child to obey to nurturing their independence and growth.
5. Innovate: When conflicts arise, challenge yourself to see things from your child’s perspective. Instead of lecturing them about their poor decisions, actively seek the valuable lessons they learned from their actions.

Implementing Positive Intelligence Parenting helps parents silence their inner critic, unlocking their parenting superpowers to effectively nurture resilient, responsible and resourceful children. Learning how to manage your emotions is the key to parenting with peace. Practicing awareness and identifying the inner voice hijacking your mind can transform your parenting.

Karen Gibson is a mother of two adult daughters, wife, public speaker, educator, author, and parent-family coach. Her mission is to support moms and dads navigating the rollercoaster parenting journey, helping them create a nurturing environment while raising resilient, responsible and respectful children. Karen founded Letting Go with Aloha in 2019, mentoring stressed parents and those in parenting roles to navigate their journey with peace instead of pain.

She is the author of “Mama’s Gotta Let Go: How to Let Go Without Losing Your Sanity,” “100 Parenting Tips Inspired by the Pandemic,” and is one of thirty authors featured in “The Power to Rise Above.” You can connect with her on social media (karenkcgibson), and listen to her podcast, “Karen KC Gibson’s Letting Go with Aloha,” on Spotify. Karen’s online course, “Breaking the Cycle of Anxious Parenting: Simple Strategies for Raising Teens,” is available on her website: LettingGowithAloha.com.

Karen’s Positive Intelligence Parenting Program, recently launched, helps parents silence their inner critic. Email her at Karen@LettingGowithAloha.com for more details.