by Karen K.C. Gibson
Parental anxiety can feel paralyzing. Having a child means you deal with many stressors, some of which you may be unsure how to manage. What exactly constitutes parental anxiety, and what are the situations that trigger it for parents? The following situations can trigger parents to worry about the worst-case scenarios.
- Health Concerns: We worry about illnesses, injuries, or not reaching society’s developmental milestones. A simple fever can lead to worries of a serious illness. Watching your child ride a bike or drive with a learner’s permit leads to visions of a catastrophic accident.
- Safety and Security: Worries about accidents, bullying, or the child’s safety in various environments. How should we intervene? Will counselors or teachers offer support? What if our child withdraws or sinks into depression?
- Academic Performance: Stress related to academic progress, tests, or school transitions. Poor grades trigger doubts about whether our children will succeed as adults. Many parents believe that grades are an indication of their child’s potential.
- Social Interactions: Concerns about friendships, peer pressure, or social challenges the child may face. If a child has difficulty making friends or has awkward social skills, parents worry whether this will impact their future interactions. Social anxiety may lead to depression or lack of confidence, which can cause parents to have sleepless nights or feel helpless.
- Parenting Decisions: Anxiety about making the right choices regarding discipline, screen time, nutrition, and other aspects of upbringing. Many parents believe their beliefs are the right choices for their children. Overwhelm of making the right choices may lead parents to question their parenting skills.
- Future Concerns: Fears about the child’s future, career, independence, or overall well-being. Any fears relate to a parent’s experience with past mistakes or perceived failures. What happens in your child’s life is beyond your control. Excessive worry about things you cannot change or influence only drains your energy.
These triggers can vary in intensity and may lead to persistent feelings of anxiety in parents, affecting their daily lives and decision-making processes.
Worrying is a natural part of the parenting journey. However, persistent parental anxiety, the type where you are consistently and overly worried about everything that could go wrong with your child or family, can be debilitating and harmful to your mental and physical health.
How can parents increase peace and reduce anxiety?
1. Social Support
Sharing your feelings with a trusted friend or family member can help you connect with others facing similar challenges. A parent coach or therapist can offer perspective and specific tools to handle conflicts, anxiety, or any parenting obstacles.
2. Limit Information Overload
Media Consumption: Be mindful of the amount and type of information you consume, especially if it triggers anxiety. Focus on reliable sources by using trusted sources for parenting advice.
3. Practice Relaxation Techniques
Warm Baths are a relaxing way to unwind. Add your favorite scented bubble bath while playing your favorite music. Engaging in hobbies that bring you joy provides a perfect opportunity to relax.
4. Set Boundaries
Block out personal time to ensure you have time for yourself. Delegate tasks to share household responsibilities with your partner or family to reduce the burden. When one partner feels they are shouldering more of the household chores, it can breed resentment. This emotion can simmer and, over time, result in more significant disagreements or tension in the relationship.
5. Mindfulness Practices
Do not underestimate the power of mindfulness. Spend a few minutes daily focusing on your breath or a simple mantra. Mantras can be simple phrases you say aloud or write on post-it notes and keep them nearby (your dashboard, fridge, or bathroom mirror), providing comfort and perspective. Mantras include:
“I release worries that do not serve me or my family.”
“I trust in my child’s journey.”
“I am resilient, and so is my child.”
“I choose patience and understanding over anxiety.”
“My love and support are what truly matters.”
Deep breathing increases oxygen flow, which means the amount of oxygen delivered to the brain and muscles. This can help calm the mind and alleviate physical symptoms of anxiety, such as shallow breathing or rapid heartbeat. Many of us don’t breathe properly.
Place Your Hands. You can place your hands on your abdomen or chest to feel the movement of your breath.
Inhale Deeply. Breathe in slowly through your nose, allowing your abdomen (not just your chest) to expand as you fill your lungs with air. Aim for a deep, slow breath that fills your lungs completely.
Hold Your Breath. Once you have inhaled fully, hold your breath briefly, but only if it feels comfortable.
Exhale Slowly. Slowly exhale through your mouth or nose, letting the air out completely. Focus on fully emptying your lungs.
Repeat. (for at least five minutes)
6. Learn about child development
Developing a clear understanding of your child’s phases and stages of growth may help reduce your concerns that something could be or may inevitably go wrong. Many worries result from comparing our child to others, whether it’s on social media or with other parents who share their children’s milestones. Some kids may take longer to master a skill, but that doesn’t mean they are behind. Every child is unique and develops at their own pace. This understanding can reduce comparisons with other children and alleviate worries about perceived differences.
Managing parental anxiety requires a combination of self-care, education, and support. Parents can alleviate many common concerns by staying informed about their children’s health and development. Engaging in open communication with healthcare providers, seeking support from other parents, and practicing stress-reducing techniques such as mindfulness or exercise can also be beneficial. Understanding that worry is a natural part of parenting and maintaining a balanced perspective can help parents navigate their anxieties more effectively, leading to a healthier and happier family dynamic.
Karen K.C. Gibson is a mother of two adult daughters, a wife, an educator, an author, and a parent/family coach. She is dedicated to supporting parents through the complexities of parenting. Karen guides parents in creating nurturing environments that foster resilience, responsibility, and respect in their children. She shares valuable parenting insights and tips on her social media platforms (@karenkcgibson on Instagram) and her YouTube Channel, Letting Go with Aloha. For more information about Karen K.C. Gibson, visit her website at www.LettingGowithAloha.com. Additionally, her podcast on Spotify, Letting Go with Aloha, serves as a valuable resource for parents, caregivers, and educators.
