by Jacob Aki
Parenting is one of life’s most rewarding experiences, but it comes with its fair share of challenges. From sleepless nights to supermarket tantrums, raising children can often feel like navigating uncharted waters. While there’s no manual for parenting, there are resources available to help guide Hawaii parents as they do their best to raise healthy, happy, resilient keiki.
One such resource is the Steven A. Cohen Military Family Clinic at Child & Family Service, where licensed clinicians like Casey L. Tau’a, LMFT, ASDCS, ADHD-CCSP work diligently to nurture emotional intelligence (EI) among children. In this article, we explore the crucial role of EI, how parents model and teach these skills at home, and the importance of extending EI education into schools and the broader community.
The Role of Parents in Nurturing Emotional Intelligence
According to Casey Tau’a, children learn about emotions primarily by observing how their parents behave and react to various situations. “Parents are the first role models for their children,” Tau’a explains. “The way we handle our emotions, respond to stress, and interact with others sets the stage for how our children will learn to manage their own emotions.”
Parents heavily influence their children’s behavior, and this influence extends to emotional management. When parents model healthy emotional behaviors, such as expressing feelings appropriately, demonstrating empathy, and resolving conflicts peacefully, children are more likely to adopt these behaviors. Tau’a emphasizes that parents need to be mindful of their actions and reactions because, “our kids are always watching.”
For instance, when a parent remains calm during a stressful situation, it teaches the child that it is possible to manage emotions constructively. Conversely, if a parent reacts with anger or frustration, the child may learn to respond similarly when faced with challenges.
“It’s about being a consistent example of good behavior and emotional management,” Tau’a notes. “Children mimic what they see, so as challenging as it might be for us as parents, it’s crucial that we exhibit the emotional intelligence we wish to instill in our children.”
Extending Emotional Intelligence Education Beyond the Home
While the home is a critical environment for developing EI, Tau’a believes that schools and the broader community also play essential roles. “Emotional intelligence should be a part of the curriculum in schools,” she says. “Teaching children about emotions, empathy, and healthy ways to express themselves significantly impacts their ability to succeed academically and socially.”
Integrating EI education into school programs helps children develop stronger relationships with their peers, improve their problem-solving skills, and enhance their overall academic performance. Schools could incorporate activities that promote emotional awareness, such as role-playing, group discussions, and mindfulness exercises. These activities help children recognize and understand their emotions and those of others, fostering a more empathetic and supportive school environment.
Moreover, Tau’a suggests community programs and initiatives, such as workshops and seminars tailored to parents and children, are beneficial and further reinforce the importance of EI. “Community centers, libraries, and local organizations host events that focus on emotional intelligence,” she says. “These events provide parents with the tools they need to nurture EI at home and offer children additional opportunities to practice these skills in a social setting.”
Methods for Parents to Help Their Children Regulate Emotional Intelligence
Casey Tau’a highlights several practical methods that parents can use to help their children – and themselves – regulate emotional intelligence effectively:
- Modeling Healthy Emotional Behaviors: Children learn by observing their parents. Demonstrating healthy ways to express emotions, manage stress, and resolve conflicts to teach children valuable EI skills.
- Open Communication: Encourage children to talk about their feelings and listen to them without judgment. Create a safe space where they feel comfortable sharing their emotions.
- Emotion Coaching: Help children understand their emotions by naming them and discussing appropriate ways to express them. For example, if a child is angry, acknowledge their feeling and suggest ways to manage it, like taking deep breaths or counting to ten.
- Mindfulness Practices: Incorporate mindfulness exercises into daily routines. Simple activities like deep breathing, meditation, or yoga helps children become more aware of their emotions and develop better self-regulation.
- Empathy Development: Encourage children to consider how others might feel in different situations. Discussing stories, watching movies, or playing games that involve perspective-taking enhances their empathy skills.
- Positive Reinforcement: Recognize and praise children when they demonstrate healthy emotional behaviors. Positive reinforcement motivates them to continue practicing good EI skills.
By incorporating these methods into their daily lives, parents can help their children develop strong emotional intelligence, which will benefit them throughout their lives.
Nurturing emotional intelligence is a vital task that requires the combined efforts of parents, schools, and the broader community. As Tau’a emphasizes, parents play a pivotal role by modeling healthy emotional behaviors and creating an environment where children learn and practice EI. Additionally, integrating EI education into school curricula and community programs further support children’s emotional growth.
Increasing education on the importance of mental health is crucial to ensuring that parents and caregivers have the resources and knowledge needed to foster EI effectively. By working together, we can help children develop the emotional intelligence they need to navigate life’s challenges successfully and build a healthier, brighter future for all.
About The Steven A. Cohen Military Family Clinic at Child & Family Service
The Steven A. Cohen Military Family Clinic at Child & Family Service offers quality behavioral health services to active-duty service members, guard/reserves, veterans and their families. For information and assistance, call 808-204-4020 and CohenClinic@cfs-hawaii.org. Visit our website at www.childandfamilyservice.org/cohenclinic.
