by Karen K.C. Gibson
What happens when healthy communication is missing between mom and dad? Our children learn from observing their parents, which can bring about trust problems, attachment issues, self-limiting beliefs, and avoidance patterns. As a family and parent coach, I’ve witnessed the Ten Principles of a Healthy Relationship, which increase the chances of a successful relationship. When we raise balanced and resilient children with high self-esteem, they succeed in society emotionally and mentally. They learn to trust and cope with troubles from the positive interactions they observe with their parents.
Here are the ten pillars of a healthy relationship for parents to model for their children. Working on each of these pillars is one of the best gifts parents can give their children to prepare for future personal and professional relationships.
1. Trust
Lack of trust may lead to insecurities that can develop into feelings that make a partner question their relationship. When a couple doesn’t feel safe with each other, it can lead to a lack of emotional intimacy. Their children may grow up feeling insecure and wondering whether a trustworthy person even exists, as they witness their parents struggle with trust issues.
2. Healthy Communication
Each and every encounter between the partners holds the potential to connect or disconnect. When a partner feels apprehensive about having difficult conversations, the other person might feel as if their voice is not being heard or understood. This situation can also affect their children, as they observe uncomfortable scenarios between their parents.
3. Teamwork
If the parenting workload is imbalanced, one parent may often feel like a single parent. Children who see their parents work as a team grow up feeling secure, confident, and supported. Shared responsibilities, vision of rules and routines, and collaborative efforts reduce stress and strengthen the relationship.
4. Respect
Respect is an essential ingredient in a healthy relationship, helping establish a safe and nurturing environment. Respect promotes open communication, resulting in both partners feeling valued and free to be authentic. Conflicts become problem-solving opportunities rather than hurtful screaming matches.
5. Emotional & Physical Connection
When parents lack emotional and physical connection, they may experience loneliness, which may affect their relationship with their children. This loneliness may influence their children’s self-confidence, emotional resilience, and ability to form relationships. Witnessing their parents consistently prioritize connection plays a significant role in shaping these qualities in children.
6. Growth
Growth is also time and energy-consuming, as both people must continue to grow and develop to avoid stagnation. Having the same vision and understanding of one another’s love languages and communication methods helps build healthy relationships. The lack of growth could lead partners to stop seeking emotional intimacy, creating holes in the foundation of their relationship.
7. Laughter & Joy
Possessing a sense of humor can help remove frustration. Children who learn to laugh at their own mistakes by observing their parents using humor in their lives are less stressed and are happier. Playful moments are the key that makes us feel appreciated and connected.
8. Patience & Forgiveness
Learning how to wait helps create an environment of compassion and facilitates handling potential conflicts. Couples who listen carefully may gain an understanding, preventing miscommunication. Forgiving someone helps them let go of bitterness, stress, and anxiety. Practicing patience allows partners to think and act before responding, facilitating forgiveness.
9. Shared Values
Commonly shared values such as trust, respect, and communication can see couples through difficult times. It feels safe for them to practice these values, which are designed to establish a basis for respect, resolve conflicts, and support critical decision-making. Learning how to handle emotions, express anger, and be vulnerable is crucial to the longevity of a relationship.
10. Consistency
Consistency is vital in healthy relationships, as it provides predictability, facilitates trust, and is integral to enduring relationships. Being reliable brings predictability to the relationship, so both partners feel they are on the same page. Inconsistency damages trust, brings feelings of insecurity, anxiety, emotional uncertainty, reduced esteem, and resentment.
Putting the Pillars to Practice
My husband and I have been together for over thirty years, married for a quarter of a century. I notice cracks form if we don’t practice these ten pillars. The key is to focus on what is missing when we feel more disconnected than connected. Once either partner feels the slightest bit of disconnection, awareness, followed by action, can make the difference between the collapse of the relationship and the mending of the damaged pillars.
Maybe a brief, honest discussion is the best way to express complicated feelings. There are also simple and comforting acts that can help reawaken a warm, connected relationship. Taking time for a casual walk around the neighborhood, holding hands, or sitting side by side to reminisce about fond memories while looking at pictures and videos can strengthen the connection.
My husband and I laugh at how our Costco dates, which often involve a quick lunch and a chat about our day before shopping, can be the highlight of our day. Our goal is to make time, which frequently feels impossible when you’re responsible for endless tasks.
Don’t underestimate a simple plan that includes the kids watching a movie, eating some fun snacks, and using this time to fold laundry and carve out space for more meaningful conversation. Connecting and applying these ten pillars does not necessarily have to be complicated. Practice focusing on one pillar every week, then repeat this valuable exercise, and you’ll be surprised at the magical results.
Karen K.C. Gibson is a mom of two adult daughters/wife/educator/author/parent coach whose mission is to support moms and dads navigating the rollercoaster parenting journey. She guides parents to create a nurturing environment while raising resilient, responsible, and respectful children. Discover her one hundred parenting tips on her social media @karenkcgibson on Instagram) and YouTube Channel, Letting Go with Aloha. Learn more about Karen K.C. Gibson by visiting her Letting Go with Aloha website.
